Back in the Saddle: The End of the Fall Shit Harvest

Ok, so you may be wondering where the hell I've been the past month, and truth be told I just haven't really been that motivated to go to the movies all that much lately.  Mainly because I've been working a whole hell of a lot and the thought of coming in on my day off is an awful idea.  Also, the fall isn't exactly the best time to go to the movies. 

The fall, in the Motion Picture Industry, is what I like to refer to as "The Fall Shit Harvest."  This is when all the major studios try to get rid of all the crap they shouldn't have made and realized would actually lose money in the summer box office.  We get "films" like "Beverly Hills Chihuahua."  Now every now and then a decent movie slips in, but I find myself suddenly spinning these films onto their shipping reels to send back to the distributer saying, "now why didn't I see this?"  

However, now with the shit harvest officially over (the release of the new 007 film broke the curse) I can feel good about spending my time in the theatre.  This holiday season is shaping up to be a good one and I for one am excited to be a part of it.  So stay tuned for more updates and more angry rants about film news and whathaveyou.  

Happy landings,

The Angry Projectionist        

Make Sure You Tip Your Projectionist. He may be unemployed soon.

So I just found out that my theatre is going all digital in about 6 or seven months.  This means that instead of film, everything will be projected digitally through a series of computers and digital projectors.  So everything i usually do, will be done by robots for much less than they pay me.  

That's right.  I am going to be replaced by a robot before the end of April.  Robots-1, Projectionist-0.  So the angry projectionist is soon going to become the unemployed projectionist.  

Now, I'm not all out getting fired here.  The bosses are going to let me sill work for the company as a floor manager.  This will mean that instead of doing a job that i love, i will be bossing around teenagers and dealing with crabby, ungrateful customers.  Well fuck that.  I'm officially looking for a new job.  So if anyone out there reading has just bought a brand new 35mm theatre, hit me up.

I would also like to apologize for not posting anything for a while.  I am really sucking at this whole, "keeping you posted," thing.  I've been working way too much lately, and the very thought of going in to watch movies on my day off doesn't please me too much.  But now that I only have 6 months of free movies left, I assure you, I am going to take every chance i get to see movies.  

So yeah.  If you happen to know a projectionist, give him a hug next time you see him.  He just may be losing his job.           

In a world, without Don LaFontaine, one projectionist mourns the loss....

If you happened to go see a movie in my theatre last night you would have noticed that your film started about a minute or two late.  This is because I was paying a moment of silence to the late "King of the Movie Trailers," Don LaFontaine.  

LaFontaine Died this past monday of a collapsed lung.  He was 68 years old.  Movie trailers will never be the same.

he will be remembered forever as one of the most recognizable voices in hollywood.  He leant his voice to countless film trailers, TV, and radio spots.  He was also recently featured on a Geico television commercial.  

Now, for me, this is a really big deal.  I hear this mans voice all day long, while starting film after film.  He is usually the first thing i hear when checking the sound in a theatre.  The trailer rack is really the "water cooler" of the projection booth.  This is where projectionists gather during print builds and talk about their schedules, their home lives, and more importantly, new trailers.    

So, in a way, Don was the one who gave us things to talk about; he was the one who told us what was new and exciting (or sometimes horrible) in "the business."  I truly feel like I've lost a friend.  Even though I've never met the man, he was a large part of my daily life.  I will miss him greatly, and I am sure other projectionists the world over feel the same way.  We will miss you, Don.  Shine on.... you crazy diamond.     

The Rocker: "School of Rock" meets "40 Year Old Virgin" meets....'yawn'

This is a way-too-late post.  I actually had the "privilege" to see this movie on monday before it even really hit screens.  The only problem is that it took me this long to even think of anything to say about this film.

This was one of those cases where they took all the "who's that" supporting actors of the past year or two and give them all a "chance" with important starring roles in a cartoon network friendly comedy.  to give you an idea of what I mean by this: I have IMDB open as i write this because i can't for the life of me remember anyone's name from this film.  Also, Christina Applegate is in this movie.  I could always use more Applegate in my life.    

That being said:  I think i like Rainn Wilson better as a supporting actor.  he is one of the best straight men in hollywood right now, and that is really something to be proud of.  I mean, I'm not gonna try to get on someone's case about trying to push through, but the guy just doesn't do it for me as a leading man.  I also think there are a thousand other roles out there that would have made his push to stardom a little more palatable.

Jason Sudeikis plays the wise-cracking record producer that they pour most of the 'A-list" comedy from this film into.  I feel like Dane Cook wanted too much money for this role, and this was the best they could do on such short notice.  he had such a hammy delivery f some of these one-liners that it was hard to believe that anyone, even a slime-ball record producer would say such lame shit.     

Now, the kids in this film were actually the most enjoyable aspect of this film.  Josh Gad was actually quite funny in this film.  i would love to see him take on the reigns of more important characters.  So far we've only ever seen him as the "fat best friend" character =, and i really rather enjoyed him as a major role.  also, Emma Stone was simply adorable in this film. I can't wait to see more of her, however, I am not looking forward to"House Bunny" in the slightest bit.       

The writing in this film kinda bothered me.  It was at times, incredibly predictable.  While at the same time, they set up certain plot elements that you expect to be a huge ordeal later on in the film, and they just grace over it with a line or two.  there were no surprises in this film whatsoever.  I'm not going to give away the end, but you will see it coming a mile away.   

Overall I would recommend this movie to someone who isn't really interested in seeing a movie, or someone who wants something light and airy that they can have very polite conversation about later on.  like maybe a lame step dad who is trying to win over his wife's son while not trying to "replace his father."  Or, maybe to two teenagers who just want to go to the movies because it is the only time they can be alone in the dark without parental supervision and want something they can just make-out to the whole time without having to pay attention.  "The Rocker" is this year's light, fluff comedy that anyone can sit through and be unchanged after.    

Tropic Thunder: or "how I learned to stop worrying and love the action/comedy"

So I just finished my very own private screening of "Tropic Thunder" before the midnight show even hit the screen.  This is my first real advance show as a projectionist, and i have to say:  I got a real kick out of walking out and seeing a huge line of people anxious to be the first people to see it.  Yeah.... I'm the coolest guy on the internet right now.  

Now let's get down to brass tax.  I normally am the kind of guy who hates reflexivity in film.  And "Tropic Thunder" is as reflexive as it gets.  This film is about the fake making of a fake war movie about a fake book.  Deep, right?  But i gotta say there were things about this film that hit the right notes with me.    

The things I love about this film is the cheap shots it takes at Big Hollywood.  They make fun of just about every rung of the production ladder.  No one is safe.  They even go as far as Tom Cruise's producer character (we'll get to him in a moment) telling a grip to punch the director in the face.  Brilliant.  I also really like the idea of a bunch of prima-donna actors in the jungle, armed with nothing but hundreds of rounds of blanks and their acting resumes. 

The real buzz about this film is the ballsy low blows it takes.  First of all you have Robert Downey Jr. playing the Mel Gibson method-actor as a black guy.  This was a really awesome performance.  Never once does he break character, which is consequently a character who never breaks character (as i said before... this thing oozes with reflexivity.) 

But the real big 'gasp' is Ben Stiller's character's role as a retarded farm hand.  There are so many people protesting this film right now saying things like "You can't make fun of retarded people... or say words like 'retarded.'"  But what they fail to see is the real target of the joke.  the target isn't the mentally handicapped (or whatever ballsless term it is now), the target is Big Hollywood.  This film makes fun of the fact that actors and producers feel the need to legitimize themselves by playing the lowest common denominator.  It shows Hollywood as the soulless void it really is.  And that is a very refreshing thing to see from a major production company.  kudos.  

now on to Tom Cruise's role (yes, I said I'd get back to this).  Cruise plays this weird, asshole producer character that is the weird hybrid of Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, and Tom Cruise in by far the weirdest damn fat suit I've ever seen in my life.  He has these weird, rubbery monkey arms and fake man boobs... what is that about?   

I thoroughly enjoyed this film.  It is going down as one of the very few films that have made me enjoy reflexivity.  It also is the second action/comedy film in two weeks.  It leaves me hoping for something a little different next week.  hopefully we'll get something good. . . probably not.          

Pineapple Express: #1 comedy in America, or Just a Bad Case of the Munchies?

I was hoping to have a review of this film posted much earlier.  I had actually planed to screen a print of this the night before it came out, but somehow the midnight show sold out four screens.  Apparently everyone and their brother decided to get high as hell last tuesday night and come to the movies.  Nacho sales hit an all time high.  

Well, I finally got to see it the other night and I was pleasantly surprised.  I was expecting a lame, goofball stoner comedy; but what I got was an action-packed thrill ride and a halfway decent contact high.  Seth Rogen once again does an excellent job portraying the "Beta-Male" that America is coming to love and adore.  He has done God's work in making the medium-ly chubby stoned guy, well... sexy.

James Franco also had a wonderful performance as, for once, a character who isn't an asshole.  I'm glad he finally broke that type cast, because i actually really liked him as a redeeming character.  

I did get the feeling, however, that they sacrificed a bit of the plot for the over-the-top action sequences.  Now, don't get me wrong, this film had it's moments.  It has one of the best car chases I've ever seen on the big screen (#1 goes to "Blues Brothers"...with a bullet).  It just seemed like they got to about the second half of the second act and realized "oh shit, we need to put all that action into this action film."  There are some plot devices that they rely very heavily on in the first act that they just seem to forget about toward the end.  But I guess when your target audience has the attention span of a bag of Funions, you can afford to get away with that kind of thing.      

Overall I rather enjoyed this film.  It isn't the best writing that has ever come out of this crew ("Superbad" and "Knocked up" to name a few), but it's one of the best comedies I've seen all year.  If you're going to go, however, I recommend going high.  The humor will be greatly appreciated and you won't even notice the weird plot elements.  And if you're not into that sort of thing, then this film probably isn't for you.... go see "Mamma Mia."  

Coming Attractions

Because there really aren't any noteworthy films out that I've Really bothered to see, I'm going to take this time to talk about some noteworthy trailers that are currently out and about.  I hope to make this a regular thing on this blog so here goes:  

Tropic Thunder (Red Band)

I am absolutely on the edge of my freaking seat with this film.  This is undoubtably going to be this year's super-quotable   comedy that everyone loves.  It has everything: Extreme war violence, explosions, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr. in black face..... wait, go back one!  RDJ in BLACKFACE!  And not to mention Ben Stiller as a retarded farm hand.  Oh yeah, and did I mention Jack Black?  This film has "worth seeing" written all the hell over it.  Go see this movie.  

The Day the Earth Stood Still

This Film Has "potentially awesome" written all over it.  Unfortunately, it also has "potential epic fail" written all over it.  This looks like it is either going to suck out loud, or it is one of those rare cases of a great blockbuster hit hidden behind a lame and boring trailer.  On first view, my reaction was, "WTF?! NO GIANT ROBOT!?!"  But look closely, at the very end there is about 10 frames of a giant robot.  Come on already!  Give your fans what they want.  Don't give them all the boring parts, give them the GIANT ROBOTS.  And less Keanu Reeves (woah).  

Saw V 

STOP MAKING THIS GOD-AWEFUL, TRITE, HORSE-SHIT!  NEXT TRAILER!

Death Race

I'm going to go against my better judgement here and say that I'm actually looking forward to seeing this "film."  As much as I hate remakes of sequels of remakes of bad shit, this looks not half bad.  It's like "The Running Man" meets "The Fast and the Furious."  But whatever.  Time will tell.... 

Punisher War Zone

This could very well be the film that redeems the Punisher big screen franchise.  This is the dark, ultra violent picture The Punisher needs.  Ray Stevenson really looks the part of that expressionless killer we all know and love.  I can't wait to see more.